So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
