Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
