Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
