I am puke
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
