You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
