I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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