there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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