I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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