actually, I'm a sock model
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
