so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
