Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
