There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
