oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
