I never want to see another naked old woman again.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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