I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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