tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
