Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
