Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
