im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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