how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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