It's just like the Real World with babies
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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