Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
