I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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