I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
