I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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