I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
