You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
