yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
