There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I need moral support for this bender
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
