That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
