I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
420 ftw
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
