i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
