I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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