my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
