you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
