We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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