I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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