could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
