the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
