i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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