You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
