Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
