My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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