i just wanna soil my oats bro
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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