i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
