Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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