im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
