If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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