im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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