come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
