New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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