I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
