there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
