I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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