Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
