Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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