And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
