Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
