you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
